Juggalo Bankruptcy Special!

images

First, a warning: This article references Juggalos and the Insane Clown Posse. If you do not know what either of those things are, do not ready any further. Learning about Juggalos will shake your faith in humanity and will most likely plunge you into a deep despair from which you can never emerge. If you are unaware, stay that way, some things you cannot un-see.

So, Juggalos, how’s it going? I see that the Gathering of the Juggalos is happening this week, that looks like Cholera The World’s Largest Port-a-potty fun. I hope you enjoy your time at the concert while you are there, though it can be rather pricey. I am sure you were financially responsible and have been saving up for months for your sojourn. So if you have, please get a vasectomy enjoy yourself, wear your face paint with pride, and enjoy the melodic sounds of the Insane Clown Posse. I even went to instagram and found some of your photos and it looks like you are in the kind of movie that even the mere possession of would get you arrested in all fifty states  having a wonderful time! I particularly think these photos are the best:

juggalo_1juggalo_guy-passed-out-with-4lokoUnknown

Now, I hate to be a buzzkill but once you get back you will have to deal with your finances. I’m going to guess as a Juggalo, you are not employed and your job prospects are about as good as those of a convicted murderer. You’ve had some bad luck and made several some bad decisions and now you need help. You may have considered filing bankruptcy in the past but thought it was just to expensive. Well today is your lucky day Juggalo, I’ve got a deal for you. 

Because I cannot fathom how or why someone would become a Juggalo, I will give you 20% off the filing of your next bankruptcy. Hey, I’ll even sweeten the deal, if you promise to wear full Juggalo face paint to your meeting of creditors, and at the end of the meeting douse the trustee in faygo while screaming “Juggalo 4 Life” I will do your bankruptcy for FREE!

It takes a lot of drugs gumption to dress like a moron Juggalo and listen to music so bad it makes me envy the deaf the Insane Clown Posse, and I salute you. You have eschewed social mores about personal hygiene, dental hygiene, pretty much any kind of hygiene,  music and clothing and for that I pray you don’t reproduce salute you.

You need a bankruptcy attorney who understands Juggalo life, you need a bankruptcy attorney who doesn’t judge you, you need a bankruptcy attorney who pretends to not notice that you are a grown man wearing face paint out in public — You need us.

So enjoy the rest of your festival Juggalos, I’ll be here to talk when you get back.

 

A Fond Farewell to a Wonderful Bankruptcy Attorney

Attorney Elizabeth Lamphier, J.D.

It is with mixed emotions that Mapes Law Offices says farewell to Elizabeth Lamphier, our staff attorney. Elizabeth has been handpicked by the new bankruptcy judge John Gregg to be his law clerk. This is quite a prestigious position and is a wonderful opportunity for her and we wish her nothing but the best. In her time as a consumer bankruptcy attorney Elizabeth has represented hundreds of debtors in both chapters seven and thirteen, and has done a phenomenal job protecting their interests. It is rare to find an attorney with as much skill, intelligence, compassion, and friendliness and our office was lucky to have her for the time we did.

It is rare that a Judge selects someone who has represented consumer debtors to be on their staff, normally clerks come from large corporate law firms and have never actually represented a debtor. In Elizabeth, Judge Gregg will have the input of someone who has gotten their hands dirty in bankruptcy, someone who knows how painful it can be for the debtors, and how scared people can be going through a strange and unfamiliar process. All Bankruptcy Attorneys in West Michigan, from Kalamazoo to Grand Rapids, all the way to Marquette, should be happy to know that they will have a friend in the courtroom.

On a personal note, I have to say that Elizabeth was a wonderful employee but an even better person. From the first time I interviewed her, Elizabeth impressed me as an unusually smart and nice woman. I am sad to see her leave our office, but absolutely thrilled at the adventure that she will be starting. I am going to be the first one to cal it, I guarantee that within the next twenty years, Elizabeth will become United States Bankruptcy Judge Elizabeth Lamphier. She has the temperament, compassion, and intelligence for the job and being a clerk will be wonderful training.

So please, feel free to share your favorite memories of Elizabeth in the Comment section below, or leave her well wishes.